This morning I woke up, I felt ugly. I felt Fat. My hair has been cut off, it was dead it needed the cut. But I hate it, my hair is short...only making my face even more fat and ugly than it already was! It'll grow.
I feel, so fat. I feel ugly, i just want to be skinny. I havent even started my revison for my exams. I will end up failing them. And it isnt fair!! I jsut want this year to finish already, but no. I have another placement after my exams. I will enjoy my placement, but it just makes you so tired. Though it does make you lose weight =D if nothing else I will lose weight. I WANT/MUST be skinny. Please God help me have the strength. Please God make me skinny, like before. Truly all I want/need is to be skinny. Beautiful.
Ana. I can feel you rising, stronger than before. Help me lose this weight, help me! Come back, like a storm. Whisk me up, drag me down, pull me backk and make me skinny. I know your there, just underneath the surface. Please come up take a breath of fresh air make me skinny. Ana, I love you. I need you more than ever. Please Ana come back to me. I will not let you down again!! You are my all. the only control that I can keep, the only good thing that i am good at!! Ana, please I just want to be perfect...
Wow, I am feeling quite down today.....i weighed myself and i've gain 2pounds....how is that possible???? I am fasting today. Water diet. Nothing more, I will not let food touch my lips. 'a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!' right? I'll smoke, my savior of hunger pains. i'll drink water until I am sick of it. Nothing will deter me from my fast.
I want to be perfect!
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